


Infinite

by koalathebear



Series: The Expanse: Missing Scenes [11]
Category: The Expanse Series - James S. A. Corey
Genre: F/M, Fictober 2016, Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-10-17
Updated: 2017-02-11
Packaged: 2018-08-22 23:56:15
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8305997
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/koalathebear/pseuds/koalathebear
Summary: Routine repairs go horribly wrong.Set after my fic Redemption.  Spoilers for the books up to and including Nemesis Games.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Written in response to the [Fictober 2016 challenge on tumblr](http://weatheredlaw.tumblr.com/post/151121970539/fictober). Word is **infinite**. I am crap with physics sorry - just wanted to explore this scenario so if I've committed any horrible physics faux pas, I'm very sorry!

Clarissa stares out at the infinite expanse of blackness devouring her as she sails slowly and inexorably through the dark and empty space … she feels weightless … the terrifying emptiness around her is almost suffocating …

"Goodbye Amos," she whispers, her voice hoarse and strained after the endless screaming. She can taste the salt of her tears in her mouth. She's not screaming anymore, now she's crying silently.

Amos' voice is very clear and matter-of-fact over the radio link. "No fucking way, Peaches. I'm on my way …"

"Now hold your horses right there, partner ... I'm going to turn the _Roci_ around – " It's Alex over the radio link. He's slightly out of breath and Amos can picture the pilot sitting in the cockpit, his face taut with concentration. "Bobbie's on her way to the airlock …"

"Listen to him, Amos – there's no way you can reach her – " Naomi's voice is calm and matter of fact, but he knows her well enough to detect the thread of panic in her voice.

"Well I can if I vent oxygen," Amos tells her briefly and Naomi starts swearing.

"Amos - stand down, damnit. We're handling this – don't you dare ... that's an order." Holden's voice is a mix of anger and fear as he stands in the cockpit, staring helplessly at the disaster playing out before his eyes.

Just moments earlier, Amos and Clarissa had been clumping across the hull on magnetic boots, Amos carrying big sheets of patch material as Clarissa carried a portable welding torch in her hand to help him repair an outer hull breach that had been caused during their latest skirmish with black-market military ships manned by angry Belters. They called themselves freedom fighters, but the truth was that they were little more than murderous thugs.

As they worked, the _Roci_ had jolted violently beneath their feet and Clarissa had stumbled slightly, the sheets of metal flying from her hands. As she had a hundred times before, she had used her heels to touch her boots’ slide controls, increasing the strength of the magnets. Except that the magnets hadn't worked and the metal sheets had dropped from her hands, falling down towards the hull, snapping the cable attaching her suit to the safety rings on the hull.

Arms flailing, voice screaming in terror over the main channel, she had felt her body driving away from the surface of the _Roci_ as Amos staggered forward in a vain attempt to grab her hand .. her foot … any part of her he could reach … But he'd missed and she had spun lightly through the air and started falling away from the _Roci_ …

*

"I gotcha Peaches," Amos mutters as he catches up to her, ignoring the oxygen venting from his suit. His arms grip around her tightly as they spin through the air.

"You idiot – we're both going to die," she tells him.

"Not for want of trying," Bobbie's voice is terse as the _Roci_ dives and then pulls alongside.

"Alex – try to rescue them not kill them." Holden's voice is terse and Amos smiles, feeling a light light-heated from lack of oxygen.

He glances over and sees Bobbie standing in the airlock. "Any excuse to wear that damned suit," he mutters and he watches as she hooks herself in and then launches herself from the airlock, heavy cargo netting in her gauntleted hands as Alex manoeuvres the _Roci_ carefully.

"Have you got them?" Naomi's voice is dripping with tension.

"Asking me about it doesn't make me do it faster, Naomi," Alex retorted through gritted teeth as his hands hold the controller lightly but perspiration pours down his face.

"I've got them," Bobbie announces.

"Bring them in so that I can kill them both," Holden orders her.

*

The computerised expert system pumps them both full of oxygen, monitors their vitals and scans their brains for signs of any brain damage caused by oxygen deprivation.

"I saw what you did," Clarissa tells Amos as she lies on the bed beside him in the medical bay. Bobbie, in a fit of consideration has pushed Clarissa's bed next to Amos so that they can hold hands. Not that they do.

"I saw it, too," Holden mutters tersely. "Unclipped his damned cable like a goddamned idiot even though I told him not to."

"Radio must have gone out, cap – was functioning on instinct," Amos lies brazenly and Holden swears beneath his breath. "You ever do that again," he threatens and leaves the medical bay abruptly.

"What he said," Naomi tells Amos severely and then leaves the two mechanics alone in sick bay.

"You risked your life to save me," Clarissa says wonderingly. Her lips are pink, her cheeks flushed from the oxygen. "You didn't even stop and think – just came after me … "

"So?" he demands warily.

"So … no one told you to do it …"

"Don't read too much into it, it's not a declaration of love of anything," he retorts and she laughs and puts her hand out and rests it on top of his chest, just above his heart.

"It means … the good comes from inside of _you_ , Amos … you're a good person …"

Amos's light eyes darken momentarily and he gives a short, humourless laugh. Then he taps her temple lightly with a fingertip. "So I guess the oxygen deprivation caused some brain damage after all," he tells her.

Clarissa laughs and curls up against him, resting her cheek against his chest. "Thank you," she whispers. "I was … terrified – thought I'd die alone, just spinning through space … " She shudders. It would have been an appropriate if horrifying punishment for her multitude of sins.

Amos puts his arm about her and pulls her closer. "Wasn't going to let you fly away like that, Peaches … " His mouth covers hers and he kisses her lingeringly, comfortingly even ... 

Even after everything that's happened, he still can't say the words aloud – but one day he will …


	2. Who You Used To Be

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A scribble about the fact that Clarissa doesn't pry and pester for information about Amos' past ...

It always bemused Amos that Peaches never asked him any questions about his past.

From what he knew of women they were always asking questions … being nosy wanting to find out everything about a guy.

Not Peaches. She was different. She waited for him to come up with information … stories about the person he used to be. Even after the earlier scare - when it was so obvious how much she meant to him … she didn't try to demand anything from him.

One day while sitting in the galley, he leaned back and watched bake a cake. She always seemed to derive a lot of satisfaction from the simple task of baking a cake from scratch - even though she also enjoyed the pudding that came out of a sachet.

"None of my family enjoyed cooking," she told him when she noticed him watching her. "We had a lot of servants and they did all of the cooking - but sometimes I would go into the kitchen and the cook would let me mess around. She taught me how to make things as well. My mother always told me that it was a sign that I wasn't as refined as the rest of the family."

Her expression was rueful.

Amos stirred his coffee absently. "Well my mom was a prostitute," he told her. "Never knew who my dad was, and I ended up in that life as well for a time. I ended up being saved by one of my mom's friends. Her name was Lydia. She was also a prostitute. She was my mother's age and she raised me like I was her sun and then when I was old enough we started fucking." The words were pouring out of him in a completely uncharacteristic manner. He couldn't quite explain it to himself … but he found that he wanted her to know - wanted her to know who he was even if she never asked.

He looked over at her. She was standing there holding a whisk in her hand, her expression unreadable.

He looked for traces of pity in her eyes but there was none. He looked signs of judgement, condemnation and disgust. Again there was nothing that resembled any of those sentiments in her dark eyes.

That night in bed, her fingertips traced lightly over his chest, lingering lightly and a little deliberately on the tattoo above his heart.

Even though she hadn't asked anything aloud, he tangled his fingers in her black hair and said harshly,"Yeah that's Lydia. The tattoo is of Lydia."

"I figured," she told him softly.

"I don't know why we started doing what we did. Maybe it was her way of trying to show me that it didn't always have to be ugly. Or maybe it was the only way she knew how to be close to another person. I sure as hell don't know."

"And you loved her." her voice was quiet. It wasn't a question.

"I felt something for her," he admitted reluctantly. "Not sure if it was love, though."

"Close enough might have been good enough," she pointed out. In those circumstances, whatever it had been was probably a lot better than some of the other things it could have been.

"Don't you want to know what happened to me?" Amos asked her harshly. "Don't you want to know about the men and the women who used me … abused me? Don't you want to know about how cheap I was? About how anyone could have me … how fucking glad I was to stop doing it when I was old enough …"

Clarissa rested her cheek against his chest and Amos listened to the sound of her quiet breathing. 

She was quiet for a long moment before speaking. "I think that I only want you to talk about things if you're comfortable with that … and if you want me to know. But if you don't - then that's fine by me, because I'm pretty ok with the guy right here - the guy in front of me now. The person you used to be is important because it led to who you are today - but to be honest, really all that matters to me is that you're here, that you're mine - and that I know how you feel about me."


End file.
